Should you Retaliate?

The key principle is to not follow through with your normal reaction of retaliating against the bully. So what can your client, child or you yourself do if you are being bullied.

Actions to Take Against a Cyber Bully

1. Is to ask yourself what evidence do I have that cyber bullying has occurred? Then to create a folder and paste into word format e-mails, internet posts, and social media posts etc. An easy way to do this is to create a screenshot of the web page and then report the bully to a trusted adult such as a parent, member of your family, teacher, or a counselor at your school.If you fear retaliation by the cyber bully, and do not report them their attacks may become more aggressive

2. Are you receiving harmful threats and inappropriate sexually focused messages? These need to be reported to the police. The cyber bullies actions can be prosecuted in a court of law
3. As you may be aware, cyber bullying can be relentless unfortunately cyber bullying usually includes several incidences. Are you experiencing attacks over a period of time? Just as the cyber bully may be relentless you also may need to be relentless. What do I mean by being relentless? You may need to keep recording all of the times that the bully has said a cyberbullying message to you. You do not need to feel that you just need to bear it.
4. How do you stop cyber bullying through communication? Here are three examples. First of all and this is pretty easy is to block their e-mail address. Secondly block their phone number from your cell phone and thirdly delete the cyber bully as a social media contact. You can then contact your internet service provider (ISP)

Points to Remember When You are Being Cyberbullied

1. Don’t be involved in the blame game regarding yourself. Remember cyber bullying is the fault of the cyber bully and not yours. Regardless of how to e-mail or blog post reads there is no reason to feel shame regarding how you feel. It is important to remember that the cyber bully is the problem and you are not.
2. Gain a different perspective. Think of this cyber bully as a very sad perhaps self-angry individual. He or she is trying to gain power over you and your feelings. The reason is they want you to feel self-hate about yourself that he or she feels about his or herself. You cannot provide them with this satisfaction by taking the steps listed
3. Do not go into your own self-hate mode. In other words beating yourself up. If you have experienced cyber bullying what increases the problem is continuing to think about it and perhaps reading and re-reading the e-mails or blog posts. If you have decided to save the cyber bullying messages for evidence, put it away in a remote folder and delete it from your timeline so you are not repeatedly reviewing the attack. Then think of the many wonderful things about yourself and accomplishments that you like and admire.

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Cyber bullying: How It Works

When a child or young adult accesses the internet, text messages or social media websites, or chat rooms they are susceptible to cyber bullying. As you are aware, cyber bullying is the use of digital technology to harass another child or young adult.

Zach’s Empowerment

Zach, age 16 is a teenager who was a bully. Zach stated “I was angry with my life because my parents were arguing and I always felt better when I made others feel bad. I resorted to cyber bullying because no one knew who I was on there. I would hide behind a screen name and I wouldn’t be caught. I harassed a classmate of mine through a chat room and I thought it was fun because he had no idea it was me.”

As you can see, Zach felt empowered because he was able to bully a classmate and get away with it. Zach’s method of using a chat room is an example of how cyber bullying can follow victims outside of school and even in their own homes.

Harmful Effects on Dana

Dana, age 14, is a victim of cyber bullying. Dana stated “There was a guy in my class that would constantly message me with a username. He would say awful things that made me feel ugly and fat. I knew that he was lowering my self-esteem but I felt powerless to do anything. If I reported it to the teachers, they could not prove it was him.”

In Dana’s Situation, the bully was not able to be identified and was able to constantly harass her by cyber bullying. Cyber bullying like this can often lead to low self-esteem which Dana experienced and it can also lead to feeling hurt, depressed, angry or suicidal.

Can the Roles be Switched?

Often times cyber bullying is something any young adult or child can do. It is easy to hide behind a screen name or fake profile to harass another student. Victims may feel angry and turn around and cyber bully another person.

Julie’s Transformation – Bullying to Bully

Julie, age 18, stated “Back when I was 14 years old I was cyber bullied a lot. I was made fun of for being ugly and short. I always felt angry at myself for letting them bully me. One day I decided to bully one of the girls that bullied me. I said some awful things about her brother and his OCD. I spread lies on social media websites about her and she stopped bothering me. However, I couldn’t stop bothering her because I did not want to go back to being bullied again.”

The Bullying Cycle had started

With Julie, she retaliated because she no longer wanted to be bullied. This started a bullying cycle in which the victims become the bullies and the bullies become victims. Later, the same thing might happen to Julie and she will become the one who is bullied again.

The Worst Part of Bullying is…

Cyber bullying can be done anonymously which makes it easier for the bully and it also hurts the victim more due to the fact that it can follow them everywhere and happen at any time.

Should you need to fulfill your continuing education requirement you might consider getting Bullying CEUs.

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#1 Preoccupation
The first stage of the addictive experience is preoccupation.  Pedophiles become hostages of their own obsession.  Do you agree?  Their obsessions about child pornography or other sexual acts which involve children become intrusive on their daily activities.  Jim, age 34, stated, “I couldn’t get these images out of my head.  They invaded my life.  I would start work, but then, all of a sudden, I would get flashes of my nephew in my mind, doing things I wish I hadn’t thought of.  Personally, I’ve never enacted them out with him, but I will go to websites and try to instant message kids, just so I can flirt with the ideas.”

I stated to Jim, “Because of your obsession, every introduction and meeting passes through your sexually obsessive filter.  Normally, these obsessions begin to interfere with daily life, and other areas are affected.  Does that ever happen with you?”  Jim stated, “Yeah, I couldn’t concentrate on work, all I could think about were these images and how to make them come about.  I can’t sleep, so I spend most of my time on the internet.  Sometimes, when I’m chatting with people I know are adults, I’ll fantasize that they’re really young teens.”

Clients like Jim are addicted to sexual behavior, and, in the case of pedophiles, become addicted and preoccupied with the thought of sexual acts with children.  I stated to Jim, “I’d like you to think of this preoccupation as a warning sign that’s telling you to watch your steps.  When you begin to feel the obsession taking over, be mindful of it and of your behaviors.”  Think of your Jim.  Is he experiencing this sexual preoccupation?  How would you address his preoccupation?

For #2, 3 and 4 Stages of a Pedophilic Addictive Experience go to Internet Course

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